Hey, do you like all the stupid shit I write? Well I tried my hand at making myself a creative CV to advertise the work I’ve done as a writer because I’ve been apply for jobs all day and it made me sad, because an online application form is frankly terrible for showcasing what I’m all about. 

I’m trying to see if this will draw more attention to my work, than applying for things through the traditional routes because that hasn’t worked out for me in the past.

If you like the work I do and want to help me draw a little more attention to it to maybe turn it into a career, I’d appreciate people sharing this or maybe giving me some feedback because graphic design isn’t my forte. 

If you’re curious about my work, here are some links to some of things I’ve done.

Cracked

Man Cave Daily

Dorkly

TopTenz

Today I Found Out

Gizmodo

Serious question: How the fuck does Smaug move around all of his gold? Does he push it from place to with his claws or something because I’m seriously not buying that he could pile it up with his stupid dragon hands. 

I know that I’m supposed to be an adult, but at the same time. I also kind of need to watch The Hobbit and eat pizza at 2 AM.

I’m going to try an arrange another drunk gaming session for next week since they seem to be popular and fuck it, I like doing them. 

I’m not going to have an evening free for the next few days so in the mean time, which game would people prefer that I play: Metal Gear Solid 3, Fallout: New Vegas or The Last of Us?

Treat the caps lock key like your penis, by which I mean, don’t touch it in the middle of a conversation if you want to be taken seriously.

The whole crux of the movie Flubber is that Robin Williams needs to invent something amazing to secure funding to save his university. Why the fuck did he bother inventing Flubber in the first place when he already had a flying robot maid that could make breakfast?

My ego really doesn’t know how to react to the fact I had to buy an extra small t-shirt the other day.

the Incan Indians used to use potatoes as insurance against natural disasters by turning them into a dish called chuño, which was made by stomping the potatoes into a fine paste and then throwing it into a mine. Chuño was so long-lasting that it could be stored for years without refrigeration or any other special considerations and was so rugged that it was often one of the first things invaders stole.

The Incan people used to keep so much of this stuff in supply that even during natural disasters, crop failures and times of war, nobody ever went hungry.

Today is national potato day, so I wrote a thing about how awesome they are. 

There is one known case of a kamikaze pilot being so annoyed about being sent on a suicide mission that before he left, he flew to his own headquarters and opened fire on the office he knew his boss was sat inside just to be a dick.

I just submitted an article on Japanese kamikaze pilots of WW2 and couldn’t resist sharing this fact I found out while writing it. Just so we’re all clear, yes, this really happened. 

Source.

I recently had an article published on the history of the ballpoint pen, because getting drunk and playing Skyrim doesn’t pay my bills. Yet.