I have a feeling that fewer people would get annoyed about being drunk dialed at 3 AM if everyone’s ringtone was set to the Addams Family theme by default.

My friend is in a band and told me if I bought one of his t-shirts it’d make me 66% more attractive to women. He was probably lying, but with my face I can’t afford to take risks like that.

His band is also pretty awesome if you wanna give them a listen.

Am I the only one who punches those big-ass packets of toilet roll when I go into a store just to see if I can hit it with enough forced to make it slide to the back of the shelf? Because if so, I think everyone else is missing out on something amazing.

QuestionYou are hilarious. Your drunk video game posts had me dying at 3am Answer

That makes two of us. 

Vodka does not make for a pleasant teeth brushing experience. 

I sorted out all of my clothes earlier and it’s annoying me more than it should that I don’t own a yellow t-shirt.

If for some reason people seem to like this one as much as the first, I’ve decided that next time I play this game I’m going to play as an Imperial called Gordon Ramsay and eat all of the food in Whiterun. 

This time though, I played as an Argonian called Steve.

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I’m doing another drunken gaming session tonight since they seem to be so popular. Tonight I’m returning to Skyrim and stealing as many pairs of shoes as I can.

You can follow it live on Twitter right the fuck now, if that’s your thing.

So earlier today I got a phonecall telling me I’ve got one of those things that stop your parents from getting annoyed at you on the phone, or a job as most people call it.

There’s more food in my fridge for the cat who sometimes walks through my garden than there is for me.

I had a job interview today and was asked to talk about a situation in which I’d remained cool under pressure. So I looked at the guy and said “I accidentally sat down on an ice cube when we started this interview and I haven’t made a big deal about it yet.”

I’ll keep people posted about how I do.