Person A: Hey man, aren’t you going to leave a tip for your server?
Person B: I don’t really agree with the concept of tipping.
Person A: *20 minute rant about the fact the servers wages mostly come from tips interspersed with third-hand anecdotal stories presented as fact.
Person B: *Equally as long rant about the fact that if servers wanted better wages they’d get a better job, peppered with lines like “nobody gives me free money for doing my job properly”
Person C: *Leaves tip while apologising profusely to server with their eyes.
I did write an answer to this, but it dawned on me that I was essentially just re-hashing this article towards the end and it makes all of the points I did, just better.
The only advice I can give about becoming the kind of person people want to follow is to take an extra second every now and again to really take something in.
For example, before writing this, I went to my kitchen to grab an apricot and instead of just shoving the whole thing into my mouth, took a moment to look at it and it dawned on me that I’m essentially eating what looks like a tiny fuzzy orange ass.
That’s the sort of stupid shit you only notice if you take a step back and look at something again, it’s also the kind of stupid shit the internet loves.
So I recommend doing it a lot.
I also recommend eating apricots, they’re pretty rad.
I need to wear a suit next week so I’m probably going to have to wear it on the train home to stop it getting creased in my bag. At first I thought to myself, “do I really have the balls to wear a suit considering how hot it’s going to be tomorrow?”
After trying on the suit and realising how tight it is, the answer to that question is apparently yes.
I think a lot of people did to be honest. And I’m okay with that.
When I posted this I was really hoping someone would comment asking “which book” so that I could answer with “The bible” or “the Koran” or something smartass like that so I’d look really cool. But nobody did and now I feel disproportionately annoyed.
Judging by how many notes my post about me playing Skyrim drunk has, it seems to be something people find pretty funny.
Is this something people would want to see more of? If so, does anyone have a request about which game it should be?
I mean, I’m going to do it anyway, I may as well record it if people think it’s funny.
Idea for a Hallmark card message: I want to make you as happy as a someone eating salad in stock photo.
I usually like to go for a run at 1 Oclock in the morning because I prefer the risk of being stabbed to the definite chance of someone seeing me run.